the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Randomize
