Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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