I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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