Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
