I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
