i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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