There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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