Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
