You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
