Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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