Ketchup is God's man juice
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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