They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
