Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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