My brain says no but my pants say off.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
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Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
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Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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