I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
God, I missed his penis.
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