Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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