Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
We smell like vodka and hangover
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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