I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
