How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
