I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
