Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
