They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
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Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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