just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
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