Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
