so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
