Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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