Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
