I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
