you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
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you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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