I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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