literally had 100 drinks last night.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
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I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
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