Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
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