dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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