Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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