i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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