just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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