gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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