What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
