I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
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I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
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do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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