i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
