Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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