i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
