Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
