i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
