it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
