Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
