you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
