I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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