I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
my poor anus
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
