Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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