Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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