I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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