I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
