new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Girls should come with a carfax report
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
It's rum buckets o'clock
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize
