do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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