I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
