i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
