He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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