I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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