its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
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ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
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Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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