Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
